19-0

That’s right, 19-0.

The Miami Dolphins are going to win every game this season and finally bring home another Lombardi trophy. I can’t wait to see the celebration parade down the streets of Knightdale, North Carolina. Okay, maybe they won’t have a parade in Knightdale. I am a man of reason, after all. If the Dolphins, by some chance, lose to the Shite-ans, then we will go 18-1. If we lose the next game, we will go 17-2 and so on and so on. You get the picture. By this point, you are probably either closing the window and reading something else on the internet or asking yourself- what is he fucking talking about?

My point is this: Football is an escape, a fantasy. I realize that it isn’t for the people who play or coach it, etc. I am talking about all of us overweight, over-stressed, underpaid assholes who obsess over this silly game year-round. So, when I say my team is going to go undefeated, they are going undefeated, motherfucker.

“You have to be realistic!”

“There is no way the Dolphins aren’t gonna lose any games! Lower your expectations!”

Fuck all y’all!

I don’t tell you that your kid is gonna grow up and be an ugly ogre and that its head is shaped like a mango, when you say to me “isn’t this the most beautiful child you have ever seen?”

Why do people feel the need to remind others that their hopes and dreams are stupid and everything in life will disappoint them? I mean, come on! We all wake up every morning and face the same underwhelming day, filled with nothing noteworthy or exciting. Then we go home and do it again the next day.

WASH… RINSE…REPEAT…DIE.

“The Miami Dolphins haven’t done shit for 20 years!”

From my point of view, the Miami Dolphins have had 20 years of winning off-seasons! 20 years of making the right moves… moves that were gonna take us to the next level… moves that would deliver us to the promised land!

All these thoughts have been proven to be false. No shit! That doesn’t matter. We can look back with perfect vision and see all the mistakes, some more obvious than others. However, that doesn’t change a damn thing. I choose to remember the excitement of bringing in Brandon Marshall, Mike Wallace, trading up to draft Dion Jordan, or possibly bringing in Peyton Manning. These were, and are, all genuine “feels”. Regardless on how the signings turned out and how we may feel about those assholes now. It was genuine excitement and hope. We can all focus on the end results and slit our wrists (If that’s the case, just stop watching football entirely… You don’t get the game), or we can focus on the process or the journey, however you want to put it , as opposed to the missteps and heartbreaks that led to less than desirable outcomes. This takes me back to the fantasy aspect. If the Dolphins win or lose, it affects our lives exactly zero percent. Don’t give me this  ‘it does affect me mentally and that matters!!’ stuff. Go write a blog about your feelings, you bitch. We all get mad, but if you are punching holes in your door, that is your fault!

As I sit here on the eve of another perfect season, I just want to say to all you naysayers, eat all the dicks and suck all the balls in the world! If others and I want to leave our heads in the sand and hope for the best, leave us alone. We are just trying to live our best lives. We are just looking for our beacon of light in this shitstorm of a world. You may have Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, or Tom Cruise. I have the Miami Dolphins, and that’s all I need.


Miami Dolphins 2018 predictions:

Record: 19-0

NFL MVP: Ryan Tannehill

NFL OROY: Mike Gesicki

NFL DROY: Minkah Fitzpatrick

NFL DPOY: Robert Quinn

NFL OPOY: Kenyan Drake

Superbowl Champs: Miami Dolphins

NFL Podcast of the Year: 4th & Inches #InchesBetter


Special Announcement from the Inches Crew:

Do you love RDubbles’ work? Don’t be stupid, of course you do. Be sure to tune into 4th & Inches on Monday, as he will be appearing as our very special guest on the first show of the regular season! You’d literally have to be a fucking idiot to miss it.

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